


I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

by jimmoriartyisthebestboss



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cussing, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Profanity, Steve Rogers Has PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 17:52:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16142420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jimmoriartyisthebestboss/pseuds/jimmoriartyisthebestboss
Summary: Steve awakens from a PTSD fueled nightmare and is comforted by Bucky.





	I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, first posting. Please be kind. The title is from the Aerosmith song I Don't Want To Miss A Thing. Enjoy!

Steve had woken up sweating and breathing heavily. _Shit._ His mind seems to scream the word as he runs a hand through his hair. The dream is fading as quickly as it comes but it leaves its after effects. Pounding heart, sweating, breathing as if he had run thousands of miles without stopping.  


He glances over to see the sleeping form of Bucky tangled up in the sheets. The metal arm is draped across his chest and he lay on his back, breathing evenly. Ever since Shuri had freed his mind of the brain washing Bucky had slept better. He still had nightmares, had nights where he woke up screaming and had to have Steve hold him till he fell asleep again. Tonight, though he rests easily.  


The battles were over and somehow, they had made it out alive. T’Challa had allowed Steve and Bucky the chance to buy an apartment for themselves and to stay in Wakanda. It was their refuge after so long of running and fighting. The wall to Steve’s left is floor to ceiling windows but the curtains are drawn down over the windows, so the morning sunlight wouldn’t wake him and Bucky early.  


For now, though, the stars shined in the sky and Steve couldn’t see them. All he could see is the pitch black and hear his uneven breathing. The only thing keeping him grounded is the sound of Bucky next to him. Steve throws off the sheets to allow his sweating body to breathe and cool down. He leans back against the headboard and tries to breathe. He knew that in the dream it had been cold, and his mind starts reeling.  


Cold, ice, a mission, Bucky falling. Ever since Steve had seen Bucky alive as the Winter Soldier he had known. He knew that he could have jumped from that train, saved Bucky. Instead he had held onto the side of it, tears sliding down his face till the train stopped somewhere, till the Commandos pulled Steve off the side where he was frozen. He had tried several times to get drunk, so he could have an excuse to be angry and crying. Peggy hadn’t looked at him with pity. She looked at him with sorrow and understanding and told him to keep fighting with Bucky because that was his choice to save Steve.  


Still the thought persists. _I could have saved him. I could have jumped from that fucking train and saved Bucky, but I didn’t. I was scared. I thought he was dead, done for. We searched for his body, but the conditions made it seem impossible. But he still found him. Zola found him and tortured him._ Steve starts to shake at the thoughts. His whole body shakes against his will and he has to shove his hands against his eyes to keep the tears from sliding down his face.  


Gentle hands reach up, pull away Steve’s palms from his eyes. Blinking in the darkness allows Steve to see Bucky sitting in front of him and grasping his hands. Bucky who is alive and well and looking at him as if his heart is breaking. “Steve.” His voice is rough from sleep.  


“I’m sorry Buck. Go back to sleep, I’ll be fine.” Steve’s voice is uneven, and his throat constricts as Bucky runs a metal thumb across the back of Steve’s hand.  


“Which one?” This was it. This was the way they communicated. Which dream, which memory, what was causing them to be in pain. “The train again?”  


Steve can only nod and he rages and howls inside his mind. _Why can’t he fucking talk?_  


Bucky sits back on his heels, not letting go of Steve’s hands. He absentmindedly runs his fingers across Steve’s palm, drawing pictures. “You couldn’t have saved me Stevie.”  


_That’s a lie._ “I could have jumped after you.”  


“And what? You lose an arm too? It’s best that this happened this way. It put us in this new…era. Although I can’t say I like all the aspects of it, at least we can be together openly.”  


“I should have looked for you, Buck. If I had just _fucking looked,_ Zola wouldn’t have gotten you, you wouldn’t have been tortured for so long.”  


Bucky looks at Steve but not with pity or sadness. He looks like he understands. “I wouldn’t’ have wanted that Stevie and you know that. I don’t regret what happened because at the end of the day it leads me back to you. We’ll always have to contend with this shit, the shit that came from war and years of abuse and brainwashing. As long as we’ll have each other through to grab onto, to remind the other that we are here, we are safe, and we are loved, nothing can stop us.” The last words are spoken fiercely, and Steve can’t help but nod.  


He knows that he will never be rid of this, these memories and regret. But as long as he had Bucky to reassure and love him it wouldn’t matter. As long as he knew he was safe, he could keep going on. Bucky smiles as he looks at Steve’s face in the dark and pulls him forward by his hands.  
A small peck on the cheek and Steve is already blushing. Bucky guides him back down onto the bed and allows Steve to curl up with his head on Bucky’s chest. Just like they used to do in the 40’s. As they will always do when they need comfort. Soon Steve’s breathing evens out and so does Bucky’s. Two men who were lost in the dark that finally found each other again.


End file.
